Love in cold blood.(M. part I)

Midnight. My favourite time of the day (quite antagonistic isn't it?). Sure, i love walking in broad daylight too but, let me just tell you, no one is quite the mystery fan like myself. And what better set for mysteries than sheer, pure, pitchblack darkness?

Let's just skip the intros..call me M. M like..moon..murder..mad.

It is at midnight when i carefully choose my victims. Sneaking up on people and hitting them is over-rated and truly an insulting act for my ways. You see, i like to manipulate, draw towards me, and then close the trap. Smooth, silently, violently.

Fullmoon transforms me. Some turn into wolves, some lose control..I just become my true self. Only then do i satisfy my urges. Only then do i carve my name in someone innocent's heart forever and ever and ever. You have no idea how empowering it feels when you know you have the freedom of life and death upon others.

Unconsciously, this feeling always makes me feel alive. I suck their lives out to fuel my own.

I remember every move i make and try not to repeat it. I get bored fast, must be from the sign i was born in.

For example, today i could meet my victims at a fancy restaurant and sip drinks with them until their minds become numb. After that, I could move the set at my place or theirs(although the latter one is a bit more difficult, since most of the times i abuse my knowledge in the art of torture) and twist their every thought until they do whatever i want them to. When i get bored, it's fun time. You know fun time right? It's blood, screams, sex and everything in between. Sometimes a massacre, sometimes just a few cuts do the trick.

On another day I could just toy with my little puppets, but - and this is their luck - not feel the need to finish the job.

Many might argue that i'm cruel and ..slightly insane, but really, who are they to judge? A society that spills daily more blood than i could crave for in a century and they dare to tell me how to handle my issues?

Please.

Because being 20 is never easy..

Don't you think i forgot about you. I could never. So, guys, let me tell you a little story about how soulmates are made: It happened long time ago, seems to me like eternities have passed. We met but the beginning was not a particularly interesting one for either of us. However, something drawn me to keep on connecting to her.

And days go by, so do months, years..And you wake up thinking one day: wow..how did this happen? How did i get to know this person so well and how did this person get to know my every corner and even more understand it? It's quite amazing the thought, really.

She's 20 today. That's like..alot. Being 20. Also, quite hard. 20.

'There are twenty years to go..

And twenty ways to know'

So, I raise my glass of coke and begin my speech with this quote from your favourite band. I go on with saying: I can't believe we made it so far. You are the one that never dumped me when i felt the weight of the world. You are the one that was here to wipe my tears away and say 'i'm sorry' even though it never was your fault. You are the one.

'We need to concentrate on more than meets the eye.'

My mind is full of thoughts. Good thoughts. The best of thoughts, truth be told. I remember so many things. I remember Sibiu, HIM, IAMX, last halloween, sleeping in the same bed, sharing makeup, food, african child :)), Negative Ion, walking in museums, your place and your parents and your hamst..dog, giggling, laughing, biting..Yes, i know, it pretty much sounds like we're lovers doesn't it? I know we are.

You're 20. It's overwhelming. When did it pass? When did you go into law school and when did i get in this last year of highschool?

'A golden age I know'

I think you're like wine. You're getting better and better. Can't wait to have you by my side in the next 50 years..60..70..forever. You joined me in this journey and i'm not gonna let you go.

Happy Birthday, my love. You're my favourite girl in the world and i love you terribly much.

'But it's you I take, cause

You're the truth not I'

The stranger behind the mask

Hello.. Remember me? For some time ago, we used to be two different entities. Not anymore.

I came in your dreams, as the sweetest hope that soon turned into your best nightmare. I conquered my way in..atom with atom..breath with breath. I took your mind over. I twisted you. I made you turn. I made you bleed until nothingness remained. I trampled over your ideals and replaced them with my own. You forgot everything. Who you were. If you are still alive. If it’s all even worth it. You gave it all to me: darkness, light, love, hate, pulse. And with my small hands I grabbed your heart. And crushed, and crushed, and crushed. I was vendetta. I made you new. Complete. Better. Faster. Stronger. I stripped you, violated you, and turned you inside out. I went down…with you, for you, on you. I became your mania, your schizophrenic alter ego, your yang.

You abhorred me so much. You wished so many times to see me gone. And then you cried. You wept. Eons after eons. For you knew without me all that’s left is..void. Empty, bleak, darkling.. my darling.

You praised me so deeply. Night after night, the moon found you on your knees, head down, with your heart on your sleeve, hungry, thirsting..for your lethal medication.

Soon enough, you were wearing my mark. Step by step, you were becoming everything you despised the most, yet everything you could be. With every day and every bittersweet nauseating pill of my mind.. this new mask turned into a face. The cyanide was reaching boiling point, until…until something happened.

You used to take it all right from my hands. But the obedient puppy turned into a vicious wolf and the hand of god was bitten. And I, I -I terribly hate to admit this, but- I lost control. My blackened star was shattered as you were draining me. You were devouring me. My creation soaked me, drained me to my very core..licked me dry as I stood there speechless, faceless..heartless.

I fell apart. We entwined . Hanging on to you, my last breath was only enough for a final touch: a kiss. We embraced the shock, but I was never afraid. We never actually hit rock bottom, you know. Do you remember me, my love ? For I sure as hell don’t.

Dialogue with the voice inside my head.

'Truth be told, i'm tired of your moping around. You really are pathetic and, honestly, baby girl, no one wants to see something like this.' said E. while lying in bed.

'I'm in pain. What do you want me to do? You come from inside of me, you know how that feels'

'Yeah i do. And that's why i'm getting sick and tired of this. It's frustrating. And you know what? Soon i'll take over. Just so you know'

'You can't do this', said A. with an angry tone. 'I made you, you are MY freakin' creation and you get out WHEN i feel like it'

'Oh, i'm so scared' laughed E. 'My pretty creator is upset. Am i gonna be grounded? At least make it good.'

'What the fuck is wrong with you?'

'YOU. You is what's wrong with me. But don't mind that, soon it will be over, once i get in charge'

'Is that your plan?'

'No. It's our plan. You know you need me like oh-so fucking-much. You are almost begging for my help. So, that's what i'll do. I'm gonna fuckin' help you get the fuck out. You will become..me. And trust me it can't get better than this.'

'I'm sure it can.' said A helplessly through her barely opened lips.

E. came closer. Touching A.'s face with her cold hand, she started to smile maliciously.

'You will be me. The hunter, the strong, the cold. You will become god. I promise you. You will remember all of this like your rebirth. Don't even think about who you were, because it was nothing. You..are nothing. I make you complete. I promise you.'

A. was crying. She knew this day will come, the moment she will have to leave another human part of her aside. More and more, till there was nothing left to lose. More and more, until the numbness takes over.

'Just promise me one thing', she said almost hiccuping through her tears. 'Promise me i won't forget. Promise me i'll still be able to keep my feelings there. Just those feelings.'

'You won't forget. But you'll understand more. You'll dive more and more inside. I can finally bring peace with yourself. '

'Thank you.'

As E. came closer and closer, A. closed her eyes.

'Soon, kiddo. Very soon', the voice inside her head said.

R.A.R.E.

11. 15. 23.

158

3.14159265

Absinthe

Alex

Alive

Argument

Beach

Beautiful

Bite

Black and Blue

Bruise

Cats

Chemistry

Cigarettes

Cry

Depression

Divelis

Dream

Drunk

Ears

Eve

Eyes

Feeling

FGT

Five

FullMoon

Goosebumps

Grave

Green

Hair

Hands

Harley Quinn

Heartbeat

High

Hug

Ilium

Insecurity

Insomnia

Joker

Kinky

Kiss

Laugh

Lex

Love

Madness

Meow

Mermaid

Mind

MM

Neck

Negative

Nerys

Nyrue

Obscene

One

Out of reach

Purple

R.A.R.E.

Real

Red

Running

Sand

Scar

Scent

Scratch

Sea

Sex

Shiver

Skin

Sleep

Touch

Touchless

Train

Vol'lie.

These are my memories. You can have them all.

Great Big White World.

'It's a great big white world

And we are drained of our colors

We used to love ourselves

We used to love one another.'

A: All i want is what i can't have.

N: I know

A: Do you know my depression remedies?

N: Do tell.

A: Loud depressive music, crying like hell..and just waiting. And the worst is, the waiting. For i never know what im waiting for, and how long will i wait for that unknown.

N: *remembers past years*

A: And putting aside the waiting, it gets so much painful being left alone with yourself.

N: I know..i've been doing that for 2 years.

A: I hate being left alone with myself, with my thoughts, cuz they ..they eat me up. They devour every single sane neuron.

N: And the times i wanted to cry but i wasn't able to because..nothing could get out of me anymore, hitting the walls with my fists, no air to breathe. I was hyperventilating, getting numb.

N: I was lying down, twisting and turning and feeling like an alien is growing from inside of me. Mind blowing up, i know. It's like you're being literally torn apart from 15 different places.

A: Thank you for making me numb..it feels like bliss.

Untitled.

-How do you feel? he asked.

-Miserable. I feel bloody miserable. Everytime this happens. I just wish it didn't. I just wish, we didn't lose ourselves. I just feel...

-What? What do you feel?

-I don't know. she answered with wet eyes. I truly..don't know.

They were on the bed. It had been a full day and both of them were tired. An argument got to be the cherry on top of the evening. An event they didn't plan, but that got out of control.

-I need some air..

-I'll come with you.

-I'll end up hurting you with my words, i'll screw you up and eventually....you'll get tired of it.

She started sobbing in an attempt to stand up. He was staring at her with sad eyes.

-I won't.

-You will. And because i love you so much i don't wanna make you get sick of me. Good night.

Those were her last words, as she ran through the door.